


Lizards All the Way Down

by rippleskip



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: :), Banter, Betaed, Canon Compliant, Cecil Palmer is Not Described, Cecilos Fluff, Fluff, Lizards, M/M, Married Couple, POV Carlos (Welcome to Night Vale), Scientist Carlos (Welcome to Night Vale), They’re dorks and we love that, Trust me guys this fic has lizards in it, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29634456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rippleskip/pseuds/rippleskip
Summary: The lizard climbed out of the beaker, plopping down onto the counter and scuttling towards him. It stopped near the edge, and Carlos quickly noted that it was patterned with mottled purple scales. It was actually... quite cute.-In which an experiment doesn’t go the way Carlos had expected.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	Lizards All the Way Down

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this is my first fic, so bear with me here.
> 
> Content warnings: heights and lizards, I guess?

The alarm clock on the counter in Carlos’s lab ticked softly as he brushed his hair out of his eyes again. Time was weird in Night Vale, but Carlos had had this alarm clock since middle school, and it hadn’t failed him yet. While the time it told wasn’t always correct, at least it could be trusted to keep the minutes as they passed. Now it was midday, and the sun through the window was welcome.

Carlos set his tools out across the counter. Then he lifted the glass beaker and examined it. He took note of the worn measurements engraved into the side. Then he sighed and stood up, kicking his stool under the counter and turning to grab a wooden box from the shelf where he had left it. From it he took a pair of gloves, which he pulled on, and his goggles.

 _“In addition, the City Council would like me to remind you that squirrels are highly dangerous creatures, and should not be trifled with,”_ came Cecil’s rich voice from the portable radio. Carlos paused to glance up at it, next to where the box had been. He fiddled with the strap on his goggles and pulled them on his face as his husband continued. _“Please remind your children not to approach them. If confronted by a squirrel, raise your arms and slowly move away from it. Don’t show weakness. Remember that squirrels see eye contact as a challenge.”_

Carlos had learned not to question things like this. He did, however, make a mental note to study Night Vale’s squirrels and their place in the local ecosystem. 

Now, though, he had something else to focus on. He turned and _carefully_ unsealed the plastic container on the counter, tipping the contents into the beaker. It was dirt, unremarkable in every way besides the fact that Carlos had gathered it from Radon Canyon the day before. He’d been researching the canyon for the past few weeks, but it had been a while before he’d gotten the confidence to actually venture there. He’d gone fully clad in a mask and rubber suit, despite Cecil’s reassurances that it was _perfectly_ safe.

Carlos tapped his fingers on the countertop and squinted at the dirt. The dirt just sat there, unassuming. He hummed and slid his clipboard towards him, making a note of that. He stared at the beaker for a few moments longer, as if daring the contents to do something, but they stubbornly refused.

This was okay. Good, even. At least so far. Carlos stepped across the room and ducked to open the minifridge he kept there, ignoring the alphabet magnets that someone— probably Lusia— had stuck on it again. This time they spelled out the word ‘SQUAMOUS’. This was not important right now. Carlos knelt in front of the fridge and tilted his head as he examined the rows of sealed vials, each containing one of many various substances he’d managed to get his hands on. They ranged from tap water to something green and bubbling that Carlos wasn’t sure of the nature of, but which made him feel very science-y, and so he kept it. Eventually, he selected a few of them and arranged them in a tray, carrying them back to the counter and sitting down.

As Cecil began his traffic segment through the radio, Carlos looked through the vials he’d chosen and made notes on his clipboard. He slid the beaker of dirt towards him and uncapped one of them, viscous and purple. This one was labeled simply ‘Dave, don’t touch’, in what was distinctly Lusia’s handwriting. Carlos was not Dave, so he assumed this was fine. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his heart rate steady, and tipped the vial into the beaker of dirt.

The dirt absorbed the fluid almost instantly and began to fizz and steam. Carlos grinned and fumbled for his clipboard, leaning back and writing furiously. He glanced back up at the mixture. It had started to writhe, and _something_ was definitely pushing its way out of the dirt.

Soon enough, a little head poked free, followed by two scaled feet, and then the rest of a small violet lizard. It blinked dirt out of its eyes and stared at Carlos from through the glass.

Carlos stared back at it, his pen frozen mid-sentence against the paper.

The lizard shook itself off and climbed up out of the beaker, plopping down onto the counter and scuttling towards him. It stopped near the edge, and Carlos quickly noted that it was patterned with mottled purple scales. It was actually... quite cute.

Carlos picked up a pair of tweezers and _gently_ prodded the lizard in the side. It squeaked and swatted at the tweezers with one little paw, but Carlos was not paying attention to that, because the tweezers had just started to wiggle around in his hand. He flinched and dropped what was distinctly not a pair of tweezers and what was definitely a small purple lizard on the counter, standing up and staring at the two of them.

The lizard on the left yawned quietly and made its way across the table to climb up on top of Carlos’s alarm clock—Carlos’s poor, long-suffering alarm clock, which he had gone through college with, moved to Night Vale with, and which was now quite certainly a pile of small purple lizards. At that exact moment, the beaker collapsed in on itself, and both it and the table they were set on started to shift.

This was the point when Carlos realized that he should probably run.

He cursed loudly and took a shaky step backward, turning to grab the first thing he could get his hands on, which happened to be his portable radio. Cecil was still on the traffic segment, though at this point Carlos had bigger issues than why Cecil counted the number of frogs he’d seen that morning as ‘traffic’. As the tide of lizards continued to swell and spread across the floor of the lab, Carlos backed up against the wall. He clutched the radio to his chest as he gazed despondently at the door to the outside, which was now thoroughly blocked by a sea of small purple lizards. He cursed again, wondering why he hadn’t thought to designate another exit, and grabbed onto a rung of the ladder that led up to the observation deck on the roof of the lab. 

Carlos just managed to shove open the hatch and climb through by the time the ladder toppled over and was overtaken by the lizards. He hissed and closed the hatch, locking it tightly. Then he stood up and tried his best not to panic.

He glanced around frantically, trying to map out the situation in his head. He was on the deck on the lab’s roof. Next to him was a large telescope, which wouldn’t be useful in this situation. Around the edge of the deck there was a short fence. Carlos moved towards the edge, looking down. It was maybe… fifteen feet? Twenty? Too far to jump, anyway, and he’d never had a fire escape installed. With him, he had a radio, still broadcasting, his goggles and gloves, and whatever he had in his pockets, which turned out to be his cell phone, seven dollars, and thirty-two cents.

Carlos doubted that seven dollars and thirty-two cents would be an adequate bribe, and he didn’t think the lizards accepted cash anyway. But… his cell phone! He could call someone! His first thought, as usual, was Cecil. He didn’t like to call while Cecil was broadcasting, but this was _important._ He glanced towards the radio, strewn on the roof next to him, and paused for a second to listen to his husband’s broadcast.

 _“...You know, listeners, several days ago I had the most interesting discussion with my_ husband _Carlos. As I’m sure you know, he has_ perfect _hair, and he’s recently taken to studying our very own Radon Canyon! In fact, he went out the other day to gather_ specimens _to_ study _.”_ Cecil sounded about as enthralled as he always did when discussing him, and Carlos fiddled with his collar, color rising to his face. Then he continued, though. _“Today he’s going to be performing_ experiments _! My husband is such a capable scientist,”_ Cecil almost purred, and Carlos bit his lip as the hand holding his phone lowered.

Not Cecil, then. Carlos sighed and he lifted his phone back up, scrolling through his admittedly short contact list. He had given his team the day off that day, and they generally weren’t very happy with him when he called them in on such short notice. Again, though, this was an emergency, so he swallowed his pride and sent a text in the group chat that Nilanjana had made for his team.

_Anyone that can, please come to the lab. I’m stuck on the roof. Don’t open the door. Thanks._

As Carlos waited, he continued to shoot nervous glances towards the hatch leading down into his poor overrun laboratory. Normally he’d be excited about the discovery of what could be a new species, but they’d taken his lab, and more importantly, his alarm clock. He leaned over the rail and looked down at the pavement below. His head started to spin—Carlos had always been a bit afraid of heights, and the situation had started to get to him. He closed his eyes and tried to steady himself, using Cecil’s sonorous voice as an anchor. This was okay. He’d get down, and get the lizards out of his lab. Somehow.

Eventually, Lusia’s old white pickup truck sputtered down the street and came to a stop along the curb. Carlos blinked and he moved towards the other edge, waving down to her as she climbed out. She raised a hand to shield the sun from her eyes, which widened, and she ran up towards the side of the building. Mark had apparently hitched a ride with her, as he tended to do, as he slid out of the passenger seat and leaned around the truck’s front to gaze in bewilderment up at Carlos. They were both in lab coats, as Carlos usually required for work, though Carlos wasn’t sure if Lusia’s counted, as it was red and patterned with flowers. Right now, though, that was the least of his concerns.

“You really _are_ stuck on the roof,” Lusia called up towards him, much louder than she needed to with her hands cupped around her mouth. As Mark stepped up next to her to ogle up at Carlos, he scowled down at the both of them.

“I _said_ that,” he replied frostily, sending another glance at the hatch before looking back down.

“Yeah, well, I’d thought you were joking...how’d you get up there?” 

“It’s... a long story. I guess I was just— _Dave-don’t-open-the-door,_ ” Carlos hissed urgently, in one long string, as Dave had emerged from a nearby bush and was moving towards the doorknob with a purpose. He stopped at this and glanced up at Carlos and the other scientists sheepishly.

Mark tousled his hair as his mouth hung partway open. He glanced towards the window and he raised an eyebrow, stuttering for a second before gesturing vaguely towards it. “Lizards,” he said simply, seemingly at a loss for words. Though Carlos couldn’t see in through the window from this angle, he had a pretty good idea of what they were seeing.

“ _Don’t_ let them out,” he called, his hands clenched on the railing. “They’re not—they’re not normal lizards.” His throat was beginning to ache, though the desert breeze pulled away any words quieter than the volume he was at. It was ruffling his hair and he imagined he looked very unprofessional. “I just… Do you have a rope or something? Anything helpful?”

“I’d thought you were joking,” Lusia replies after a second. “But… if you jump, I’ll catch you!”

Mark furrowed his brow and he held up a hand. “Wait. Would that even help, in theory? I mean, Carlos would still be jumping from the same height and hitting a surface. It would just be your arms instead of the pavement.”

“It would _cushion him,_ ” Lusia protested, crossing her arms and turning to Mark. She narrowed her eyes, tugging a hair tie from her wrist and pulling her brown hair up into a ponytail. “Honestly, haven’t you watched movies?”

“Of _course_ I’ve watched movies, Lus, what do you take me for?”

At this, Dave stopped staring at the lizards through the window and stepped closer to them. He held up one finger. “Wait. I think he’d knock you down,” he pointed out. “And anyway, could you even catch him?”

Carlos groaned, his shoulders tense. “Just… could all of you stop, please, and work on actually helping? Lusia, do you have anything in your truck?”

All three of the scientists ignored him, now far too enthralled in their discussion to pay him any mind at all. Carlos cursed again and for a moment he debated tossing his phone at them. Instead, he just stomped his foot and tried very hard not to look down, turning his back to the bickering scientists and wrapping his arms around himself.

On the radio, nearly forgotten by that point, Cecil continued his broadcast.

 _“...More information on the squirrels as it comes in. Oh! This just in, listeners,”_ Cecil announced, and Carlos sighed and clenched his hands into fists as he tried to keep calm. _“My husband Carlos’s team of scientists has gathered outside the laboratory, where…”_ His voice wavered at this. _“Where Carlos has been stranded on the roof. Listeners, I…”_ He trailed off, the radio going silent for the first time since he’d begun. Carlos looked up towards it, tuning out the continuing argument of the science team below.

 _“Night Vale, I… I’m going to bring you now to the weather,”_ Cecil announced hastily, and as his voice faded away and was replaced by the opening notes of that afternoon’s weather, Carlos’s breath caught in his throat. He brushed his hair out of his face again, wiping sweat from his forehead, and stood up, inhaling another breath. Cecil knew, now…Cecil could help. He would be fine. Scientists are usually fine, after all. Carlos picked up the radio and checked again that the hatch was firmly closed, turning to look down at the street below him.

A short while later, though long enough that Carlos had begun again to worry, Dave looked up from their argument and blinked at the figure sprinting headlong down the street. “Oh—Carlos, your husband’s coming,” he informed him, though Carlos had noticed long ago and was grinning brightly.

Cecil was indeed coming, and by the looks of it he’d found a ladder—he was moving as fast as anyone lugging one could be. He was wearing what Carlos was fairly sure was an evening gown, though it was quite violently yellow, and as he approached it was clear it was covered in sequins. It clashed horribly with his hair and Carlos had never been happier to see his stupid face. 

Cecil skidded to a halt by the edge of the lab and set the ladder down hastily, not bothering to steady it before climbing up to face Carlos. “...Hi.”

“Hi,” Carlos echoed, grinning at him. He clutched the radio to his chest again. “Where’d you get the ladder?”

“I’ll have to return it to Jackie, I just… you needed a ladder,” Cecil explained breathlessly.  
Carlos laughed, and he stepped forwards to brush Cecil’s hair out of his face and kiss him. He pulled away and smiled brightly at him, before hesitating. “Honey… I need you to climb down so I can use the ladder.”

“...Oh! Oh, yes, of course, I’m sorry,” Cecil sputtered, and he climbed back down, steadying the ladder so Carlos could follow. When they both were safely on the ground, with the science team standing a ways away and watching them with identical grins, Cecil rubbed at the back of his neck. “I…”

“Thank you,” Carlos said simply, hugging the radio to his chest. They stayed like that for almost a minute, though soon enough Carlos blinked and grimaced. “There’s… there are still lizards in my lab.”

“...Oh.”

-

  
_Welcome back, listeners! My deepest apologies for the delay, there. All good news, though! It turns out that my husband Carlos had simply filled his lab with an infestation of infectious lizards. As I am sure some of you know, this rare species of reptiles tend to replicate at alarming rates, infecting anything they come into contact with. They are adorable little things, though they don’t tend to make good pets. Never fear, though, as the lizards have been safely disposed of! It turns out that all we needed to do was simply herd the lizards back towards Radon Canyon, where they’ve been contained at the bottom of the crevasse. They’re still multiplying, but hey, it’s a big canyon, so hopefully that won’t be a problem for at least a few months. So rest easy, Night Vale. We have nothing to fear, at least not from Radon Canyon. Stay tuned next for the sound of a pawn shop owner pursuing a radio host. And good night, Night Vale, good night._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this... whatever it is. I know I enjoyed writing it. I just love these two dorks so much.
> 
> Credit to my lovely friends KitsuneTails25, Moondragon8, and Onion_Time (all on Ao3) for help with the idea and general support. Credit to my lovelier girlfriend (benevolentmonolithicc on Ao3 and @defnotducks on Twitter) for beta reading, and for inspiration for that conversation about catching a falling dude. Thanks, guys. You can find me on Tumblr under the same name.


End file.
